Sunday, December 21, 2008
Lost Souls
How should I start?
This should have been written some time back, but just left somewhere in the closet, being ignored or just sweeping it under the carpet. It is just something I feel now whenever I go down to Wheelock.
Being one of my favourite past time on my off days, I will always go down to see the peeps there. Since I left there 5 months back, I always try to find a valid excuse to go down there, a place I used to enjoy working. But somehow or rather, the atmosphere there is no longer the same as last time, somehow, this cloud of dejection, unhappiness and feelings of being lost lingers around. The people no longer laugh like before, no longer the same "Hi Welcome" with gusto, I see people dragging their weary feet to work.
You can say that I am being sensitive, but it is really so. And I see new faces like I see the cover girls of FHM, changing monthly. One thing is for sure, the nucleus is gone, that horde of chiongsters whom literally fight for their sales. The change in commission scheme did not really help to alleviate the situation. Market is bad, worldwide recession is sinking in, so it is unavoidable that the company will try their best to reduce costs. Have been a boss myself before, so I know what is it like. But having people whom are soulless will not really help in the situation.
Of course, I am sad to see some people leave, who doesn't when some of them are really the responsible type, those that take pride in their work and have a strong sense of ownership of their workplace. This are the people whom we don't see daily, our hiring department can always churn out some people from god-knows-where, but most of them are just salary takers, meaning their sense of belonging may not necessary be there. Are we gonna have this people around to bring the company to new heights? Or having the notion if this group cannot, then just get another group in, send emails out, post on jobsdb etc etc.
It really saddens me when this people whom are working there still do not appreciate what they have, or being spoilt. Hang around, wait for customers to call them telling them give me one, and standing around waiting for 9pm. And some of the older staff might not help when they frequently take mc, urgent leave etc etc. I know it is not easy especially when I am not there, but what examples are we setting to the juniors? If the juniors does the same, will we be in the right position to lecture them when in fact we are not better off then them? If we don't want people to behave like that, then we don't behave the same way too. I am made of flesh and blood, I get tired too, I leave the shop later then the rest of the staff, and I don't get paid for doing that.
How many times have I seen sales gone whilst doing paperwork, cashier, stocks etc etc when people like us in outskirt stores do not have the luxury of others helping us. Its all on us. Sometimes I just want to throw away all, walk out of the store and just leave the juniors to rot and die. But I can't, when this is my duty as someone senior to them to lead by example. I don't get any senior pay or have tons of OT to claim. End of day, I need to hit my figures too, I also have bills to pay, family to feed. But what irks me is people whom are at the top-store do not appreciate what they have or how fortunate they are to have a constant flow of customers streaming in. They just let the customers stream out of their shop, while they are busy whining about cannot hit target, no customer buying, why company this and that, not fair. But are we being fair to the company?
I have been stuck at Bugis for so long, and I know its not easy. But being a staff of Afor, I know the company will have their reasons for putting us there. Mind you, I have never taken a pay of over 2k, sometimes less then 1.5k. Who pities me? You? Or you still want to hang around at Wheelock whining and whining. Please, some of you don't know how lucky you are, have people to spoonfeed you, have customers waving to you to give me one. Appreciate what you have before it is being taken away from you. Stop grumbling about who snatch who's sales, be a man and try to get more sales. Question yourself why others do not want to give you the sales. Have some self-reflection. When you think of me, us being at shit locations, think twice before opening your gap to whine. For all of you who knows me, you think I deserve to be treated like this? I am human too, just that my Bosses will never see what I put into the shop, cos I do not have the figures as I am too busy with the back-end jobs.
Will those who are at Wheelock pay my bills and feed my family? No right, so please have some self-reflection. People treat you good, you take for granted, people take your luxury away, you whine. Stop being a wussy and grab whatever sales you have. Just think of us at Bugis before you start to complain. I hope you all really wake up your bloody ideas. I really miss the old times when our "hi welcomes" can be heard loud and clear even at coffee bean. Now, I only see zombies when I walk in, turnover rate so high, how to build-up that nucleus again. Its sad, really sad.
This should have been written some time back, but just left somewhere in the closet, being ignored or just sweeping it under the carpet. It is just something I feel now whenever I go down to Wheelock.
Being one of my favourite past time on my off days, I will always go down to see the peeps there. Since I left there 5 months back, I always try to find a valid excuse to go down there, a place I used to enjoy working. But somehow or rather, the atmosphere there is no longer the same as last time, somehow, this cloud of dejection, unhappiness and feelings of being lost lingers around. The people no longer laugh like before, no longer the same "Hi Welcome" with gusto, I see people dragging their weary feet to work.
You can say that I am being sensitive, but it is really so. And I see new faces like I see the cover girls of FHM, changing monthly. One thing is for sure, the nucleus is gone, that horde of chiongsters whom literally fight for their sales. The change in commission scheme did not really help to alleviate the situation. Market is bad, worldwide recession is sinking in, so it is unavoidable that the company will try their best to reduce costs. Have been a boss myself before, so I know what is it like. But having people whom are soulless will not really help in the situation.
Of course, I am sad to see some people leave, who doesn't when some of them are really the responsible type, those that take pride in their work and have a strong sense of ownership of their workplace. This are the people whom we don't see daily, our hiring department can always churn out some people from god-knows-where, but most of them are just salary takers, meaning their sense of belonging may not necessary be there. Are we gonna have this people around to bring the company to new heights? Or having the notion if this group cannot, then just get another group in, send emails out, post on jobsdb etc etc.
It really saddens me when this people whom are working there still do not appreciate what they have, or being spoilt. Hang around, wait for customers to call them telling them give me one, and standing around waiting for 9pm. And some of the older staff might not help when they frequently take mc, urgent leave etc etc. I know it is not easy especially when I am not there, but what examples are we setting to the juniors? If the juniors does the same, will we be in the right position to lecture them when in fact we are not better off then them? If we don't want people to behave like that, then we don't behave the same way too. I am made of flesh and blood, I get tired too, I leave the shop later then the rest of the staff, and I don't get paid for doing that.
How many times have I seen sales gone whilst doing paperwork, cashier, stocks etc etc when people like us in outskirt stores do not have the luxury of others helping us. Its all on us. Sometimes I just want to throw away all, walk out of the store and just leave the juniors to rot and die. But I can't, when this is my duty as someone senior to them to lead by example. I don't get any senior pay or have tons of OT to claim. End of day, I need to hit my figures too, I also have bills to pay, family to feed. But what irks me is people whom are at the top-store do not appreciate what they have or how fortunate they are to have a constant flow of customers streaming in. They just let the customers stream out of their shop, while they are busy whining about cannot hit target, no customer buying, why company this and that, not fair. But are we being fair to the company?
I have been stuck at Bugis for so long, and I know its not easy. But being a staff of Afor, I know the company will have their reasons for putting us there. Mind you, I have never taken a pay of over 2k, sometimes less then 1.5k. Who pities me? You? Or you still want to hang around at Wheelock whining and whining. Please, some of you don't know how lucky you are, have people to spoonfeed you, have customers waving to you to give me one. Appreciate what you have before it is being taken away from you. Stop grumbling about who snatch who's sales, be a man and try to get more sales. Question yourself why others do not want to give you the sales. Have some self-reflection. When you think of me, us being at shit locations, think twice before opening your gap to whine. For all of you who knows me, you think I deserve to be treated like this? I am human too, just that my Bosses will never see what I put into the shop, cos I do not have the figures as I am too busy with the back-end jobs.
Will those who are at Wheelock pay my bills and feed my family? No right, so please have some self-reflection. People treat you good, you take for granted, people take your luxury away, you whine. Stop being a wussy and grab whatever sales you have. Just think of us at Bugis before you start to complain. I hope you all really wake up your bloody ideas. I really miss the old times when our "hi welcomes" can be heard loud and clear even at coffee bean. Now, I only see zombies when I walk in, turnover rate so high, how to build-up that nucleus again. Its sad, really sad.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Nocturnal
That's what I am, how come I just can't get to sleep this couple of days, either I sleep too much, or not enough.
Sales is bad this few days, so I guess that adds up to everything. And its taking me quite awhile to get my writing mood back, so this few days will be honing my skills again, its like some rusty knife trying to cut again. Since I realized my blog is missing, so I guess, its back to myself. Since base is where I was before I got lost, so now I am back.
Had some nice food at Zac cafe with my buddy Kelvin, the chef has changed, lucky for us the food is still nice. Some nice memories there too, though at times, sad, at times, confused. Letting go and picking up the pieces where I have left off is what I am slowly doing now. Wonder if I am cursed or blessed with good memory power. Anyway, hope sales is good tomorrow, won't be able to see wifey till Thursday, in the meantime, been repeating this song:
Sales is bad this few days, so I guess that adds up to everything. And its taking me quite awhile to get my writing mood back, so this few days will be honing my skills again, its like some rusty knife trying to cut again. Since I realized my blog is missing, so I guess, its back to myself. Since base is where I was before I got lost, so now I am back.
Had some nice food at Zac cafe with my buddy Kelvin, the chef has changed, lucky for us the food is still nice. Some nice memories there too, though at times, sad, at times, confused. Letting go and picking up the pieces where I have left off is what I am slowly doing now. Wonder if I am cursed or blessed with good memory power. Anyway, hope sales is good tomorrow, won't be able to see wifey till Thursday, in the meantime, been repeating this song:
Monday, August 11, 2008
3 months
Wow,
This was how long I took to pen again, haha, after realizing that I have a missing blog, so I guess its here for now.
Really not sure where to start, but the thing is try not to be emo anymore. Have learned alot this past few months, that is to treasure the people around you. It is good also if the people around you does that too. Seen alot of ups and downs this past few months. Marriage and career too. Good thing is, things are turning better.
Had found out that we meet different people during different times of our lives. Some people are there to change your life, some people are there to make you treasure the people around you, whichever way it is, am glad to have nice peeps around me. Always blessed with them around. So as I focus on my career, am focusing on my marriage too.
Its never easy to be with someone for so long, but the duration is just a figure, it may not represent anything. Sometimes, we may be with someone for a short time, but its still significant. Someone did told me before, its the quality that matters. Once awhile, can still recall what she has shared with me. The days are gone, the memories linger. I think, we just have to do what is important on hand, before we can actually take another step forward. Really don't wish to end up a emo person. It sux.
So if I complain about people being emo, I must not be guilty of it too. It will actually spread to the peeps around us. So just to take the extra precaution, have to be cheerful during most times. We all wear masks don't we? Time to sleep, treat this as a warm up before the actual stuffs starts to come in.
This was how long I took to pen again, haha, after realizing that I have a missing blog, so I guess its here for now.
Really not sure where to start, but the thing is try not to be emo anymore. Have learned alot this past few months, that is to treasure the people around you. It is good also if the people around you does that too. Seen alot of ups and downs this past few months. Marriage and career too. Good thing is, things are turning better.
Had found out that we meet different people during different times of our lives. Some people are there to change your life, some people are there to make you treasure the people around you, whichever way it is, am glad to have nice peeps around me. Always blessed with them around. So as I focus on my career, am focusing on my marriage too.
Its never easy to be with someone for so long, but the duration is just a figure, it may not represent anything. Sometimes, we may be with someone for a short time, but its still significant. Someone did told me before, its the quality that matters. Once awhile, can still recall what she has shared with me. The days are gone, the memories linger. I think, we just have to do what is important on hand, before we can actually take another step forward. Really don't wish to end up a emo person. It sux.
So if I complain about people being emo, I must not be guilty of it too. It will actually spread to the peeps around us. So just to take the extra precaution, have to be cheerful during most times. We all wear masks don't we? Time to sleep, treat this as a warm up before the actual stuffs starts to come in.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Finally,
When its time to let go. It always signals the start of a new life, a new chapter. Maybe its true, time through the rain has set me free. Even the old man at home supports the idea, though it was not raised by me, just put on hold for a very long time. So there is no more pretending, just back to being the old Eric. Think this time round, can do things confidently, can focus more on career, and getting the best out of me.
At times, I realize that its the unhappy affairs of the heart that bogs me down in whatever I do. Never really able to give my best shot, so now there is no more excuses for me, just need some time to adjust. The old man at home knows best, been there done that. So now, without anything holding me back, I am sure I can live happily, at the very least, not longer needing to be the great pretender!
Really looking forward, but whatever I write might be taken out of context. Now I know, as long as I am answerable to myself, and feeling happy with the decisions I make, its enough. How many people can I answer to? How many people should I please? Hey, its my life, something that I overlooked for a very long time. Maybe to peeps reading, it might contain some anguish, but, I am not. So strange this feeling is, like a feeling of relief.
Now, what I can do is to move on, and see my wings unclipped. Will follow my heart, and give my all from now on. Anticipating whats in store for me, now and the future, like what someone advised before, most importantly is we are happy and thats all that matters. Another few hours more to go! Hahahaha.
When its time to let go. It always signals the start of a new life, a new chapter. Maybe its true, time through the rain has set me free. Even the old man at home supports the idea, though it was not raised by me, just put on hold for a very long time. So there is no more pretending, just back to being the old Eric. Think this time round, can do things confidently, can focus more on career, and getting the best out of me.
At times, I realize that its the unhappy affairs of the heart that bogs me down in whatever I do. Never really able to give my best shot, so now there is no more excuses for me, just need some time to adjust. The old man at home knows best, been there done that. So now, without anything holding me back, I am sure I can live happily, at the very least, not longer needing to be the great pretender!
Really looking forward, but whatever I write might be taken out of context. Now I know, as long as I am answerable to myself, and feeling happy with the decisions I make, its enough. How many people can I answer to? How many people should I please? Hey, its my life, something that I overlooked for a very long time. Maybe to peeps reading, it might contain some anguish, but, I am not. So strange this feeling is, like a feeling of relief.
Now, what I can do is to move on, and see my wings unclipped. Will follow my heart, and give my all from now on. Anticipating whats in store for me, now and the future, like what someone advised before, most importantly is we are happy and thats all that matters. Another few hours more to go! Hahahaha.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
If...
This is the word which is grossly overused, like sorry and excuse me. But there is always many twist to this word. I sound like a preacher, quote of the day?
Been down at the slumps with my job, cannot put the fault on the company which many people will do, maybe its, decision made and the heart is no longer there. Like sometimes when we were forced to be with someone, but jobs and feelings are different I guess, but I know some things cannot be force, and I have learnt to let go when the time is right. Many decisions were made this month, and its great to know that my Dad supported the decisions made too, maybe old people have a knack for certain issues. Its shitty at times when you know that certain things will lead us nowhere, so we must learn to move on, Dad knew how to use this quote and I am amazed and impressed.
Today is just one of the day I never see her. Why is there a yearning, the feeling not felt in a very long long time. And I know its one of the feelings that keeps the relationship going, very hard to explain unless you are going thru it yourself. Many things can have template replies, but certain things are felt rather then spoken. You know, how its like to step out of the shadows and stop pretending? No matter what, there will always be comments, but I will say it one last time, time will tell.
Like what the fortune teller mentioned, I always tend to hold back alot before making decisions, so now I know what its like to be selfish and for once, really want to be happy. No more pretending, no more masks, no more. Do you know what its like to just be myself? No one knows, they will like to judge me according to what they see. But its ok, at least my Dad was supportive of certain decisions which should have been made years back. Hmm, its time. I can see the happiness coming, really anticipating whats in store for me now.
Hey, today "hai mei you leh", how?
This is the word which is grossly overused, like sorry and excuse me. But there is always many twist to this word. I sound like a preacher, quote of the day?
Been down at the slumps with my job, cannot put the fault on the company which many people will do, maybe its, decision made and the heart is no longer there. Like sometimes when we were forced to be with someone, but jobs and feelings are different I guess, but I know some things cannot be force, and I have learnt to let go when the time is right. Many decisions were made this month, and its great to know that my Dad supported the decisions made too, maybe old people have a knack for certain issues. Its shitty at times when you know that certain things will lead us nowhere, so we must learn to move on, Dad knew how to use this quote and I am amazed and impressed.
Today is just one of the day I never see her. Why is there a yearning, the feeling not felt in a very long long time. And I know its one of the feelings that keeps the relationship going, very hard to explain unless you are going thru it yourself. Many things can have template replies, but certain things are felt rather then spoken. You know, how its like to step out of the shadows and stop pretending? No matter what, there will always be comments, but I will say it one last time, time will tell.
Like what the fortune teller mentioned, I always tend to hold back alot before making decisions, so now I know what its like to be selfish and for once, really want to be happy. No more pretending, no more masks, no more. Do you know what its like to just be myself? No one knows, they will like to judge me according to what they see. But its ok, at least my Dad was supportive of certain decisions which should have been made years back. Hmm, its time. I can see the happiness coming, really anticipating whats in store for me now.
Hey, today "hai mei you leh", how?
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Still unable to sleep.
Trying my best to doze off, and yet my futile attempt reaps nothing. Guess it was due to me dozing off in the evening after a heavy dinner of chicken rice, ngor heong. Woke up to answer a happy call, chatted alot, and msn too. Think she is the only one that reads my blog daily, so much to say to her.
So much racing thru my mind about work, guess its time I learn to let go, since I have already made my decision. It is really a pity, to think that I expected to much from the start, and yet things did not turn out the way it was supposed to be. Now I really have to make my decision, carefully. Anyway, will be having a talk with Steph tomorrow, so maybe I will make known my thoughts, or should I hold back. They say it is never easy stepping out of our comfort zone but what if I don't feel comfortable in my zone? It totally defeats the purpose of it all then, especially when I had to drag myself to work.
A sudden feeling of lost, though in my mind, I know that this is not the life, the job I want. Someone taught me recently, as long as we feel happy, nothing else matters. I am just someone whom actually hesitates at times, so I have decided to follow my heart, be selfish. I have enough of it all, always putting others before myself. Luckily, I had a crazy week, one which is fulfilling mentally and physically. The feeling is really just right, and I do hope it is mutual. Think she will say its for her to know for me to find out!
To her, she is not that vocal, but at least I can manage to read her like a book. It is never easy, always paying attention to details, comments etc etc. But when you decide to do something, it is all in the mind. A matter of want, our choice. It is like how I managed to quit smoking after 17 long years without any medical aid. Determination will make us achieve the strangest things. And I believe in fighting for our wants, like what she always said, metal-teeth, stubborn like a mule. But some things are done without scientific explanation, if the feel is good, it should be right.
We will never be able to please everyone, just like how people around us shoots comments, especially msn shoutouts which is absurd. Keyboard warriors, puiz. In their endless pursuit of "suaning", they can never really understand how the parties involved feels. Of course, people will always say the picture is clearer from outside the circle, but do we really care? Things happen for a reason, it is a chain of events leading to it, and I found out the more I try to push away, the closer I want to get. Strange isn't it? Is it human nature to conjure up tons of excuses? Or it is just my forte, having an explanation for everything.
For me, I am savoring every moment of it now, the sweetness flowing through me, and I can say the feeling is good, and mutual(hopefully). The positive vibes is really there, somehow, time stood still. Just like those music videos, the world moves on in a faster pace, and we stood still. Had a hard time bidding this project, and it is good to see the foundation being laid. We will never know whats coming tomorrow, so as the saying goes, treasure this moments for it might be our last.
Finally managed to muster up something after slacking. I do not write for the sake of writing, but for the sake of expressing myself articulately. Time to sleep, gotta wakey in 4 hours time.
Trying my best to doze off, and yet my futile attempt reaps nothing. Guess it was due to me dozing off in the evening after a heavy dinner of chicken rice, ngor heong. Woke up to answer a happy call, chatted alot, and msn too. Think she is the only one that reads my blog daily, so much to say to her.
So much racing thru my mind about work, guess its time I learn to let go, since I have already made my decision. It is really a pity, to think that I expected to much from the start, and yet things did not turn out the way it was supposed to be. Now I really have to make my decision, carefully. Anyway, will be having a talk with Steph tomorrow, so maybe I will make known my thoughts, or should I hold back. They say it is never easy stepping out of our comfort zone but what if I don't feel comfortable in my zone? It totally defeats the purpose of it all then, especially when I had to drag myself to work.
A sudden feeling of lost, though in my mind, I know that this is not the life, the job I want. Someone taught me recently, as long as we feel happy, nothing else matters. I am just someone whom actually hesitates at times, so I have decided to follow my heart, be selfish. I have enough of it all, always putting others before myself. Luckily, I had a crazy week, one which is fulfilling mentally and physically. The feeling is really just right, and I do hope it is mutual. Think she will say its for her to know for me to find out!
To her, she is not that vocal, but at least I can manage to read her like a book. It is never easy, always paying attention to details, comments etc etc. But when you decide to do something, it is all in the mind. A matter of want, our choice. It is like how I managed to quit smoking after 17 long years without any medical aid. Determination will make us achieve the strangest things. And I believe in fighting for our wants, like what she always said, metal-teeth, stubborn like a mule. But some things are done without scientific explanation, if the feel is good, it should be right.
We will never be able to please everyone, just like how people around us shoots comments, especially msn shoutouts which is absurd. Keyboard warriors, puiz. In their endless pursuit of "suaning", they can never really understand how the parties involved feels. Of course, people will always say the picture is clearer from outside the circle, but do we really care? Things happen for a reason, it is a chain of events leading to it, and I found out the more I try to push away, the closer I want to get. Strange isn't it? Is it human nature to conjure up tons of excuses? Or it is just my forte, having an explanation for everything.
For me, I am savoring every moment of it now, the sweetness flowing through me, and I can say the feeling is good, and mutual(hopefully). The positive vibes is really there, somehow, time stood still. Just like those music videos, the world moves on in a faster pace, and we stood still. Had a hard time bidding this project, and it is good to see the foundation being laid. We will never know whats coming tomorrow, so as the saying goes, treasure this moments for it might be our last.
Finally managed to muster up something after slacking. I do not write for the sake of writing, but for the sake of expressing myself articulately. Time to sleep, gotta wakey in 4 hours time.